Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
