I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
