We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you never un-have a 4some
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
