After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
