meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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