I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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