Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
