Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He has the fingertips of a God
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
