I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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