It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
