I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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