so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
