And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
