Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
