she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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