I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
