he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
