saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
