I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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