her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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