so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
