that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
