I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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