I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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