i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
