So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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