My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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