Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
