I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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