some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
this boner is exhausting
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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