3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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