Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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