I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
