Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
