My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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