I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
