Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
