so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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