Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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