I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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