I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
