This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
