now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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