He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
