oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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