Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
