living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
