woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
