I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
