So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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