Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
